Monday, March 22, 2010


Everyday every saat, every minute every hour in a day i learned something new. All the time new.. From pemikiran and perasaan. Human all about that.. and lepas tu action. Kan? It's difficult to talk to ownself, but hey at least better than talking to someone who pretend to listen.

LIfe is like puzzles kan. Like a box of chocolate. Like whatever you want to say about life. How you go through life, how you struggles and how you achieve and how you survive. A lot. And it's not easy. All you have to do, to go through it with chin up. And not too up, coz you might not see where you going, but not too low, coz its just not you di ciptakan untuk feeling that. So balance life lah. Same like balance diet. If not balance, then something is wrong.

I am actually mad and upset. But yes all the time like that, just not prioritizing it in my life. Yes i do felt like you, but why bother.. You have better things to do than to prioritize your madness. Let a minute, think about it, its on a thin fine line and which direction you're going?

Ask about why? Why? Why me? But when i read books, it's already tertulis. Sabar saja. Fools? I do agree i am a fool. Yes at times. But i know how to ease myself. I am lonely. Seriouly lonely. That's no doubt. I wish someone out there would understand me. But no.. as every human are different, so the only way for someone to understand me is my soulmate.

I will not talk about that. Its just too common for me to talk about soulmate. I know.. And you know. Sometimes you just want to go away. Away from all this. Too i don't want to talk about it. Boring being lonely ani. Being young, pretty (em.. that's what i always hear from others) tapi lonely. Apa kan?

You go out, and you see all this people. Inda jua lonely dorang atu. Riang ceria jua. How ah? I am probably a boring person in this whole world. I don't like to hang out at cafe. What purpose? Or have i forget all that already? Its just not my way of life anymore. Only with purpose saja okay.

Yes, one of my dream to travel around the world. One day. I wish i just wish i felt how i felt when i was in those days. Whatever i wanted to do, i do. And just not feeling worried, berani, and also berakal lah. But those were the days.

YOu know.. kalau dulu when you were young everybody were your friends. Your girlfriends your real friends. But now i am so takut to have friends. I don't know whose is friends. Being a girl, not really easy. As you grow up, girlfriends just don't care about you. Especially about your feelings. Your life. Ada jua girlfriends makan you. That's worst. But i am glad to see all that. I know what i am worth and i don't feel rugi if my girlfriends want to do that. I know who i am, and i am sure girlfriends know who they are.

But i really wish i have girlfriends yang really girlsfriends who respect each other, in everyway. There's nothing to gain for something ....... malas ku kan cakap. Sometimes, girlfriends ani yang you trust, tah yang makan you. Unbelievable.. But hey.. one day you will go through the same. I may not be alive to see it, may i will.. but time will come.

Being lonely is boring. I know..i know.. filling activities yes.. to make you not think so much about being lonely. Hey, i am human, I need one to fill up my life. To share the joy till death do us part. Scarry ya.. but wait till you're there, grow old together, then you will know, who is really your soulmate. Who will look after you when time comes? Who will talk to you? Who will cook for you? Who will be there for you for the last breath you give out? And who will be there to tell stories about you? What you've done? etc.. etc..

Ah.. merepek kan what i said. This is the process of learning in my life. Anyway that's me bila sleepy. I am tired. Need to sleep now. But you know, i wish i have someone to bisikkan good nyte.. Nyte.

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