Monday, October 1, 2007

Marriage : Scandals

Before, when i think of 'Marriage' it is a very special something that happen to someone in this world. To find your soul mate and etc... lost of words now. But the way i think now is different than before. Way too far... And i probably need a hear more of a beautiful marriage in order to make me believe that marriage is as wonderful as i would think of it before.

Now marriage is like a roller coaster ride. ARE YOU READY? Oh yeah, the question is 'are you ready?' or perhaps 'is your other half ready?'. Sometimes when 'D-day' arrives, you just feel like yes, this is my soul mate. He/She be the one with me till death do us part. Some are tragic, death do them part, but that's OK. We meant to go too soon. But not that soon when you just about to enjoy your life.

The other worst scenario will be the part where there are scandalous in their marriage that make them part. Don't know why it happen. But i guess whoever about to tie the knot, sometime in your 'together' life, you have to know that you are about to go through it too. Don't know when, we cannot say but will for sure. Then you can see how strong your 'marriage' is or perhaps are....

I actually met an old friend today, and to my surprise she have gotten married sometime last month... And I am happy for her. Then i looked at her hand and toes, masih ada inai tanda you are newlyweds. Her immediate response to me was that she doesn't like to berinai. And her expression weren't that excited. Kalau dulu, inai di jari makes you feel so proud that you belong to someone and that people around you would be happy for you. But now, it's either - you have to or you are force to or naturally you want to. I knew her for a while now, she would only go for an 'Officer'. That would be her standard. But she didn't get married to one. Too bad. But would this be the reason one day for 'scandalous' happen in marriage? (I was thinking).

So what's the hurry? I don't know why. Its just that I've seen a lot. I hear a lot and even knew some friends who are supposedly happily married are trapped with this situation. Why? Ada say, 'entah, it just happen' and 'i still love my other half, but entah i cannot explain'. That I couldn't understand and find the answer. I guess its been like this hah since we human exists. They be talking about it, so proud of it and you just simply knew who and who married to and who and who are their scandals. And it's ok. You see it with your eyes, and not a word. Then you meet the other half and pretend. Oh well...
"Side Dish" - ha..a...
This is like, when you already have makanan di rumah, you still want singgah and get the side order. I would call it 'side dish'. Want to know why? Because the makanan you have in the house you know you always have em, and its always been the same. But when you have the 'side dish', its a different dish. A lot of variety and you probably would want to change it anytime you like because its just a 'side dish' that you don't have to bring home.
There got to be reasons for all this. Why is it hard to be faithful? It's only between a thin lines. High expectation perhaps? You didn't see all that before and now you see it? Suddenly you realized something that you really want weren't exactly surfacing the way you want it. How do you deal with that? Find a hapless victim, and then the drama begins.
I got curious over this, and i love asking my friends on how this happen. So many stories from both side. I can't imagine the man would be telling the truth about him being married, got children some more and that the marriage are in trouble now, and the woman would accept him thinking that he is so sweet by telling the truth. Probaby thinking that they can solve the problem. But for real, that's just an excuse.
A gentleman who have trouble in his marriage would settle it with his other half before he could even commit with another relationship. The solution would be, if there's still love between him and his wife, and would like to rebuild and reconsider it again, then its OK. But otherwise a divorce would be the answer. And that would take him a while to mourn over a broken marriage. This is a man. But if a man tells you that a trouble marriage makes him do this, then he just want to scre* you. It's just all about se*. He is not doing this to you only, to many. Just remember that, if you are weak or what not, then you be his next hapless victim. Well, its all up to you.
Another one here, the married woman would be telling the man that they are single. Amazing. I guess being married so young, and to think living with the same guy for the rest of your life, you have to have the 'side dish' too. If the men can do it, why not the woman. Now in the world, what men can do, women too. How about marriage? Not all people in the world love divorces, and not all love being married to only one person. Again, yes after all we are humans. We makes mistakes.
May i ask? - what actually are you looking for in 'marriage'? - What actually do you want in 'marriage'? - What is 'marriage' to you? - How do you value your 'marriage'? - Are you even ready?
Oh my Gosh!!! So many affairs.... this came in my mind while i was driving to get gas for my car and i have to stop on the side of the road to write it down in my small notebook that i carry around, so i won't forget what i wanted to say.
Marriage is like going on to a roller coaster, not know how it's going to make you feel
You understand the excitement and the trauma you are going to go through
Many questions be floating in your mind, just wondering how it would be like after.
Is it fun? Is it Safe? Would i laugh? Would i cry? Would i ..... Just wait and see
Am i going to go through this and at the end laugh at it or
Am i going to have a heart attack and just die
Am i going to scream to quit the ride when its still on
Am i going to quit and not try
And so on....
You know what, you can't stop the ride once you are already on it, and someone is already in charge. Pressing the 'start' it being button and the 'stop' the end button. Definitely there will be it and you just have to go through it. After that the answer to all your questions be answer, in such a way that it would be - some would want to go for a more challenging rides, some would want to think it over, and some would just quit and would never go for any rides. Worst be quitting without trying it.
To me, i still see 'Marriage is still beautiful and special'. Just don't give up. If you didn't have a good marriage here in this world, maybe you will be in the other world.
To be continued....


Anonymous said...

Interesting discussion on "scandals". I admit that there are many marriages that face such challenges, often to those couples who were perhaps drawn to be in the mainstream in our society. It is common to note that once a lady or a gentleman gets an occupation, she or he will be 'hinted' by their respective families to start a family. Somehow, a lot of them give in to this pressure, otherwise, they would forever be haunted by questions such as "bila tah kau kan kawin? c anu atu akawin sudah" "kau ani beumur sudah, sepupu mu atu beranak 2 sudah" bla bla bla. I believe that it is important to be assertive when explaining to our elders why we are not ready to get married yet. One, marriage is about meeting one another half way, it isn't fair to pressure the other party if she or he is not ready. Two, we need to be financially healthy and are bale to support our own expenses without relying on the other. Three, asking ourself the question "Am I willing to compromise and be a good partner?". Marriage is sacred and don't let 'scandals' taint our morality, faith and values. When one is tempted, go back to the Quran and fill your heart with iman. InsyaAllah.

P/S: Kalau temptation kan bescandal kuat, baik tah dinikahi saja. At least halal. WAllahua'lambissawab.

Sekian. My humble opinion saja :)

Anonymous said...

Marriage life is soo unpredictable. Don't know what actually went wrong. I keep wondering the same thing. I doubt if fidelity enough to sustain a happy marriage..yet would spicying your sex life guarantee your partner would stay?

What actually we want in life? And what would our partner want in life is basically two different things (eventhough it happened to be the same thing during honeymooning time)..And marriage is supposed to compromise the needs of two different species..think again..entah la.. many temptation i guess..the thrill that people can't always keep the heat, the flipflop in your stomach..the blood rushing to your brain.."the word nada papa tu" is very damaging..somehow it leads the way.

My partner keeps on saying this "stick to THE path, it's a tricky path, don't even TRY the other path because there's no turning back!" -->> somehow i listen & pray i'll reach the end of the path and live happily everafter..

..just a personal thought..