Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Being Love and UnLove

"Sometimes it is unfair ya. You wanted to give it another chance. Thought of it seriously, but i guess you are just dreaming. You may want to give it one more try, but only you sincerely want to". Its ok. That just how life goes. It hurts and it kills. But its not the end of the world.

"You been played and fooled for one more time. And hope this time you wouldn't care. Wouldn't care of what would be the end of the chapter in your love life. Again, it hurt. But again too you deserve a better half. A better half who would respect you and appreciate your love. In relationship once a friend told me it's a togetherness that makes it special. A lot more i learnt from this friend of mine".

I guess my life been ups and downs. And now that i am single, i would like to start dating. But i give myself time. I need to clear all the baggage i have. I know no matter how hard i tried, i really need to clear the mess i have made in my life. I am just so ready to face it all. And i am ready to open my heart soon and to let true love be apart of my life again.

Its a waste when someone just want to have you as his trophy in his life. And not giving enough attention and love. I am so tired with too many reasons that you can't full fill the real love in your own life. Excuses are my major problem. I hate excuses. It's just being selfish to oneself. That is only for yourself.

I learn a lot from human behaviour not any university, but through life. Through my life. It gave me enough to know and to differentiate what is real and what is not. Who is ready and who is not. Its just a matter of time till you move on. All broken hearted people move on. But some would commit suicide to settle matters in their own hands.

I been thinking about my late father lately, i guess he's thinking of me too. May be he wanted to help me with my situation now, but he can't. Its too late, and i just felt him so near to me that i felt i can speak to him ani bah.

I really don't know who to talk to about making a big decision in my life. Of course its me. But i just like to bermanja and ask someone i could trust, just to hear what they have to say. Still at the end of the day, it would be my decision.

One more for me. I will look into this. Because i felt there just no point in waiting for promises when you know its just pulling your legs. Its ok. Its a test. But i know there would be no one like me for you. They may be better or otherwise. But i am looking into what i want to achieve in my life, and my dream.

I once heard from a very close person - love is love. you can fall in love anytime. Today you be in love. Tomorrow you will be out of love. What is LOve? - That open my eyes, and true. I need to find my own happiness then only i can see love. I don't want to forget how it felt like to be in love and to be love. All this while, i have to be frank, i touch a bit of love. A clear love that you could never imagine. But it was just a pinch of it. Not much. And i love being in love. It felt great when you just have the right partner. That would love you unconditionally. Tanpa syarat.

Gosh... just by sharing that bit, makes me smile.

Oh my friend just call me. Her boyfriend for 6years now, is outstation. But he didn't text her where he stayed. And she is really upset. I felt sorry for her. How can someone being so unfair? But what if she do the same to him? He is going away for few days. Pity ah.. Say they are boyfriend and girlfriend. Tapi the boyfriend being secretive all this while. But i tell you, she had enough she said. She wouldn't make a hassle on this, because she knows she have to move on. Oh well... She cried. I told her to cry to get it off her chest.

As for me, I just couldn't sleep. I will have my time too. I just don't like to talk about misery. They are people who are in worst scenario and situation than us. Me? Well, this is a light matter and it can be sort out. I need to be strong and to accept it. This is the truth and the fact of life. And its not really nice, but its a challenge.


Anonymous said...

Life is much more than looking or having a better half. You need to be happy to be on your own. I know for sure that if you don't know how to love yourself. You won't be able to have anyone to love. That's speaking out of experience.

You need to start to love yourself. I know you do. But love yourself from within.

Remember, you don't need someone else to know that you're loved.

anakbrunei said...

kellaz: thats the soundest advice I have read today. Thank you for that and Z,those are words to live by... you have to love yourself and feel good about yourself... when you do, you open yourself for others to love you...