The Magazine

Psst. This is the copy from the magazine. Check it out ya. Rapi 2007 (history for me eh for this year). Yang be-high light. I took it with me during the "Siasatan". I will tell you more..more.. still in progress. I got something to tell, but i will share it with you when its more appropriate and when i really got time to sit and write. Didn't want to make "Kesilapan". Got to be very careful.. Someone is on my tail... heh...hee..

Troubled

This is for the segmen sambong-sambong that was on-aired that i shared that i got from Majalah Rapi 2007.


Tersilap Naik Bas

Suatu malam seorang lelaki menaiki sebuah bas dan duduk di sebelah seorang nenek. Si nenek memandangnya dari atas ke bawah lalu berkata,
"Kamu tahu tak, kamu akan ke neraka!"
Lelaki itu melompat terperanjat dan berteriak, ".........................................................."(untuk pendengar menyambongkan).

Smile, Cried, Laughter...

:O Life been pretty good to me. Amazing how i see people today. Oh i got something to share from a fren of mine.. "Allah is fair". Thank you friend. I have faith in whatever i do, and yes "Allah is fair".

I smile for a reason today, and i cried for a reason today too. I laugh for a reason too. And it all happened today. Amazingly, i feel really great that no other than me feel what i felt. And that i bersyukur so much that i am still the original me and stand where i am now. All today.

I feel good. It makes me think more and its positive. A positive outlook. I like it. I needed this in life.. its like a dose of love and hate for me that makes me wise. Yes, you probably don't understand how, only me saja yang tahu.. kan..kan...

TORN BIG STAR

What?

Uh.. i ike frog lah... So my friend send me this pic. YaH.. thank you ah.

This is 'MATI KATAK'

Worn Out

Not feeling so good today. Someone just give me the virus. Huhu... But it didn't stop me from my plan for the day. And it went well. I went home after work, and cook for lunch. The children at home, and brother and sis inlaw stayin over for a few nights. Great!!

It's been a long time. The house used to be so quiet. My son watched TV if I am at work. Now, its totally different. I love it. I love children you know. They make me smile. During lunch, my nephew ran upstair to watch BARNIE? yeah.. terdengar ia bunyi lagu barnie di atas, and tarus ia ke atas. I find it interesting.

We had lunch in the dining room and i asked everybody, how children think. How they find it interesting when they hear the music. It make them laugh kan, and as for adults, we just find it so chilren thing lah kan. But we ourselves could not remember how we felt during that time too. I used to love Sesame Street? Yeah.. now i like Desprate Housewive... ?? Yeah.. So how ya..

I'm curious about that. I wish i knew. But in my thought kan, i have to be like them the kids if i want to understand. Oh... that be so funny.. but i am willing to see how it goes. Its amazing you know. Oh well.. another thing to think about. I can't stop thinking of everything. It keeps going.

Oh tomorrow is the D day. so.. i am ready for the hearing. Tadi i masak sambal terong, tumis kacang panjang, ayam kicap and ikan masin. Oh the children love it. Of course kalau mummy Zura masak, everybody tambak sampai tiga kali bah. Au... its ok tu. That means my food so the nyaman punya... ha.ah.a..a

Anyhew, i m going to bed now. So many i did today, i am so worn out. Its been a busy day but also ending nya worth it. I learn somthing new today too. How about you?

Nyte.. nyte.. xoxox

Kekasih Gelapku

"Perasaan tertanggoh, keadaan melarang. Kekasih gelapku, gelaran yang sesuai. Mendalam ke jiwa membuat ku jauh ke renungan mu. Aysik... bukan tidak kerana kau kekasih gelapku. Rasa berlari bertanyakan diri adakah ini terjadi. Bukan di pinta tapi takdir, biar terpenjara hati namun tencarik daging hati, kau tetap kekasih gelapku menjadi perhiasan bayangan ku. "

(gambar hiasan) Terpenjara...

"Apa saja yang mencabar hati selalu nya menghairahkan untuk di lalui. Walaupun ku berpunya, namun hati ku tetap empunya mu. Hati ku bukan jasadku. Naluri ku bersama mu. Kasih ku terbelengu oleh pukauan mu. Bukan dipinta perasaan ini, namun ia melanda aku seketika. Kemarahan timbul bila ku tidak bersamamu, namun ku tahu kerinduan sebenarnya itu.. Berdampingan dengan yang tidak di hati, mengenang yang jauh sebabnya tu.. "

"Apa kan jadi. Bagaimana harus ku menahan perasaan ini, sampai bila kekasih gelapku.. aku sayang mu, dahaga pelukanmu. Bila ku merenung jauh ke laut, dalam sekali sedalam perasaan ku alami..."

PST... He.e.he..e..e. check it out. Later lagi sambong... But something i wrote this morning (28.11.07). Every time when I hear the song "Kekasih Gelapku", this is in my own words ah.. You make your own saja lah... LAWAK FOR THE DAY..

Morning

Yeah guys. Morning... Lah kalau tak cukup tido gini lah jadinya. Tau nak keja awal but mata tu tak mau konsontrate nak tido. Tidak khuysuk... huhu...

Bangun pagi Mata merah

Tidak mandi Berus gigi

Pun susah...

Alaihai bangun tah

Jangan lupa sarapan ya...

inda tune lagi.. baru ya. Anyway, good morning and selamat segala-galanya. Counting for a day more for me for the .......... So i will update it and we will know what its all about ya. This is going to be interesting. Been pun since the day i start breating in this world. Its there all the time, just going through the phase in life. Get ready!!

Off Day

Just off today from my duty. Tomorrow will be a morning shift with Fauzan. And yes it would be interesting. So I am now at home. Went out to pay my dst bills. Wah.. yes just settled. And having my tea and about to go to tasek. The weather weren't very friendly lately for a walk in tasek or elsewhere. But today, biar mendung i just go lah. Rindu lah kat tasek...

Last night spend my time with my auntie in Terunjing. And she cooked ikan asam pedas.. yumm..yumm.... and sambal mangga. Atu lagi tia, but i tried to control what i eat. Although kan betambah nasi, then again, no lah. Enuf to just rasa the fine cooking of my auntie. Well sort of family friend since i was a baby kali. That's why i called her auntie. So next time i will come again bila she masak another different recipe.

Went home quite late, but i enjoyed being with her nieces. Ramai eh dorang ah. Syok.. and they are all girls. So cute. I wish i have that many many sisters. But i am the only girl in the family, that's why jua kali i sometimes can be boyish and girlish. Yang cali nya, when i was young, grandparents kind of not allowing us to keep dolls lah etc, so miss jua lah. Now i collect teddy bears, or dolls. I love them so much. Cute things. Don't be surprised if you find me still playing with dolls.. ha.aa..a.a.. yeah.. during my spare and lonely times saja. Call me crazy, yes i am.. in a way... but i enjoyed it. Crazy bertempat loh.... Aren't anybody??

Today lunch time i have nasi ayam. But half of nasi and finito the ayam. So sedap. I can't wait to have my oysters. He..he... Ada lah.. I plan to go out with brothers and wife and gal dorang end of this month. I am craving for oysters. So when i was in Los Angeles, i went to Beverly Hills area, and took my dinner in one of the restaurant. I really love the way life di sana atu jua.

So anyhew.. i ordered oysters. Bermacam nama. So the first order, the oysters was small, but sweet. Then i odered another half dozen a different one. But this one i loved it so much. So.........s........ ish... susah lah nak kata. All and all, i was totally kesiokkan lah and so kenyamanan with the oyster i had, speechless ku olehnya..

I feel like i am in oyster mood this month...... The last time i went was with my stepmother and my siblings at the Empire, and superb eh. I ate only oysters and probably about 16 pcs. Gosh!!! it sound so bad... tebarus tah banar.. but what can i do, cannot help it meh!!

Crazy people with Crazy attitude

some people ah.. Cuba tah uruskan hal sendiri yang inda habis habis atu. Kan jaga tepi kain orang, sendiri punya carik..

"By The Way"..... makes me smiles.. what a day!!!

Neway.. i worked yesterday SUNDAY MORNING AT 10am-2pm.. Then so hungry, off to Serasa beach. Hujan kali ah. Then dengan perut yang lapar, hujan lagi menuju jua ke pantai untok makan Soto Favourite. Oh ya, makan 3 pcs chicken honey wings plus soto hati buyah and kasturi ice. Yes.. sedap sekali. Angin bertiup kencang, percikan hujan menempiasi seluruh diriku, rambut ku dari straight ke ikal mayang (he.hee..e...keriting bah jadinya), hari hujan kemendungan kegelapan, wah.. romantik eh.. TAPI AKU SORANG SAJA MAKAN.... INDA BEDANGAN... so hows my malay? malay berabiz ku nie.... Cute kan..

Cerita punya cerita, macam macam kita dengar kan. Ada dongeng lah and ada yang nyata lah. I heard cerita terbaru jua but ya lah, cerita. Lepas makan di Serasa, went home took shower. Paning kepala ku lepas kena hujan atu. Not good.. very acidic hujan di sebelah tani ani. Kalau di USA, ujan nya very light. I sambong my book semalam. Getting very interesting. So Draculla!!!

Latest new bout' one of my girlfriend... wah... pasang ramai lah. I tot dua saja. Rupanya ramai beb. Syok eh bila ia cerita ah. Like kan merasa jua.. ha.aha..a tapi gila tu eh. Ia pasang with one married man. Then another married man jua. Laku...... laku... Then cerita terbaru, pun jua married man... and sabutnya lagi nama nama dorang tu.... so, she got four married man, yang satu biasa ja, then yang satu officer, then yang dua ada "pangkat".. like you know pangkat gerlaran yang di gila gilai.... tapi she got another two yang single.

Yang single atu yang very young. About 20 ish plus...and boleh jalan anytime. Meaning, kalau yang married balik rah sarang masing masing, she spend the time with the rest yang single boys atu.. She called them "anak ikanz". Have you heard about that? She told me the difference about all these men she call ".........", and wah!! ya kan..... Yang married bila balik sarang, texting her and she will laugh when she told me about that... gila banar kawan ku sorang ani.. Apalah nya, miss her lah, apa lah, padahal sama bini... so cali berabiz. Yeah, she's very pretty, she boleh buat lah. I GUESS.. so she said she's having a good time. Good for her!!

I asked her kenapa like that.. She told me that's the way it is now. IS IT?? Yang married atu supply her with everything, especially yang bernama atu, bawa belayar, shopping. Tapi nya take different flight. Jumpa di luar negeri ja. Wah.. Au eh... meriah tu beb. She share with me because kan beri me semangat. SEMANGAT??? what? how? She said, its not the end of the world, they are many out there yang hungry. HUNGRY FOR WHAT? TLC.. tender loving care kali. Ha..ah.... she makes me laugh. But interesting jua lah. That must be fun.

Pst... sempat i asked her, kalau kalau all the married man ani tau she main blakang them, she said NO.. They actually thought that he is the only one in her life. And she is the one for them.. they call it cinta nya... Oh Well.... Sometimes yang baik ada with you and you just don't see it and when its gone, it be too late and left with what you want. Just to have fun...

Oh well, atu ia punya hal. I punya hal, got to better for next year in my work. To have a good life and a good future. You actually have a choice in how you lead your life. Different people have different way..kan..kann... But hope for the best lah ya..

Dilema

he.e.e.... dilema eh.. so i was having breakfast with some friends. Discussing about the letter i received. Now, i mention friends ryte, we were talking how serious this is. I keep listening to the rakaman yang di minta atu when i work, so i don't think ada yang patut patut bah. But the the meeting will be this coming Thursday, so see how it turn. May be this person hoping me kena buang keraja. So i can imagine she/he be laughing. But yang sayangnya in an evil way only... he...he...

At this moment, i feel so paning paning in the studio. Not sakit kepala.. but paning ayong rasa nya. Been sweating dari tadi. Don't know why... inda cukup sugar kali or not enuf oxygen to my kepala kali or banyak berpikir kali. Yeah... sometimes me ani banyak pikir you know.

I got a friend. A family friend. She is a housewife and been living under hubby nya and got many children jua. So this year, this friend passed away. And tinggal the wife and anak-anak. Kalau dulu the hubby support her. Now..... So you now what i mean kan.. So beringat kitani perempuan, walau apa pun, do something untuk mendapatkan hasil sendiri. Kalau inda belaku bekeaja keluar rumah, do business dari rumah. Jangan malu malu. Kadang, the husband inda suroh wife keraja, memang betul, tapi when something like this happen, siapa kan menanangong kan. Think it wisely.

For me, i am working pun i am worried not enuf for my son if anything happen to me. Bukan nya me di Brunei ani berumah sendiri. So still, not enuf for me. Me as a mother, i need to provide a house for him, incase. I applied for perumahan, but still no news. So i am sad jua. I wish i have the house. Being a single mother, i support my only son and i want the best for him. I applied for perumahan in 1998, when i was still pregnant. Now my son is already 9 years old. So i don't know exactly when rumah atu ada. But at least i hope if i am not around pun he can have the house.

Long story cut short. Anyway, he is doing so well in school. I am glad. He said one day when he grew up, he want me to stop working and he will look after me and he will just let me do what i love to do .. kata nya.. my hobby my son said.. shopping... and he would drive me where i want to go... ha.h.a..a.a. payah tu eh ada bodyguard. Kan bedating pun payah tu nanti.... ha.a.ha..a.
He makes me laugh. I am glad i have him. He is the star in my life.

I just got a called from his ayah. He went to get the report tadi. And number 10 out of 35 in his class. Well.. he got all A's in the other subjects and ayahnya said he got C in malay and maths. Huhu.... not good eh. He told me he susah nak buat the division in maths.. so there it go. And Malay baru tu got C... i need to check that one out. But i promised him if he got any number from 1 to 10, he will get a present from me. I need to get the present for him. That's the story bout my anak.

Pun jua, i am also reading "The Historian" atu kan, very interesting. Like i am in the story. So detailed and so chilling. I can feel it when reading it. Amazing eh. That is the book i am stuck now. Sudah tah you got yourself a book jua? Well, i hope so. Be sure its good and its what you like to read.

Later i be at the Coffee Zone petang ani at 2pm for "pelancaran cool tones lagu-lagu artis brunei bersama PelangiFm". I try to get some pictures for later too.

Dugaan Semata-mata

All around...

Dari Ku Baby

Apakah Ertinya

Berdua tanpa kata

Berlagu tanpa irama

Kata bersatu

Namun noktah

Dimana kemesraan

Dimana belaian

Dimana kasih

Adakah masih ..

Ku merindui dakapan mu

Ku merindui belaian mu

Ku merindui ciuman mu

Ku merindui cinta mu

Antara kita berdua

Ada kah masih

Atau menjadi Sejarah

Advice

Advice of the day i got from Dr.Ee Ah Meng about my masalah...

"Success comes with sweetness and bitterness"

So you see, the more success the more careful we should be. Like 99% happy for your success but 1% hate you so much and want you down. Satu titik nila on kain puteh dapat merosakkan kain atu kan. That's it... that's it... that is what i call Bitterness...

Oh.. its so hard to be humble.. jadi bumble bee ada.. ha.a.a... lol

Down

down..down..own... berabiz ku hari ani. Maklum lah the "girl day" kali. Biul my head today jua. Baik jua i sleep this afternoon. I don't know my kepala today. Rasa nya inda bersatu dengan my minda. Marah marah saja. My baby tidor di rumah ayah nya. Di tinggalkan nya phone nya in my house. Upset ku.. so tadi menghantar baju melayu nya. Ada dinner with student from Singapore di sekolah nya. Amboi..... i miss him so much eh.... he need to sleep at home tomorrow. I really miss him. He like not miss me... huh.h...huh....

Oh i am at work now. I got a letter from BAHAGIAN KAWALAN AKIDAH, JABATAN HAL EHWAL SYARIAH, KEMENTERIAN HAL EHWAL UGAMA. Guess what? Someone i suppose complain the way i perform when i was on-air dalam segmen sambong-sambong. I ask what is the meaning of "Akidah"? Ada yang beri tau "penyelewengan ugama". So i don't quite see how i was with segmen sambong sambong menyeleweng kan ugama? I ill update you guys with this. I kind of know sapa buat all this, but Allah Maha Mengetahui and i myself kalah with this kind of game. Kalau inda suka ku keraja di Pelangi, tell me dapan dapan. Jangan hipprocrate.

I am a professional Radio Presenter. Please lah.. apa lagi yang you inda puas hati atu? Let me know, and luahkan kan saja to me. Inda ku jauh hati. I know how you feel. But you know, by telling me how you feel, i still sokong you to be the most. I know, if you want to menjadi lebih popular, go ahead. I sokong. But if you want to be popular dengan cara yang burok, sooner or later you be trap in your own trap sendiri.

Stay Cool and Stay Cun!!

"Kayangan"

Cantik. Boleh ku terasa cerita ah. Perasaan eh. Love that movie. I can't believe i suka that movie. Its romantik. But bab mana nah yang romantik? Ha..ha.. go buy and watch it. Caya you , sampai menitik air mata ku ani wah... sedih jua. So feeling berabiz ku meliat atu. Sensitive jiwa ku ani. Ha..a.a.a..a.a. And i thought she goin to kawin with that cousin of hers. Tapi i rasa the sister ada hati with "Abang B" atu. So guess what nah.. my pembantu rumah kan watching it all, when i got to leave for work that day, so ia said nya bini bini atu kawin. I said to her not to tell me. Ia ani kan orang phil... so inda merati cakap melayu and a bit in english saja... so suspense lah for me meliat that at the end, inda jua ia kawin... Nah.. Must see malaysian movie.

Yes..

"I May Be Naive But I Am Not A Fool"

caya you...

lah.. kan kaja pun sempat liat Phua Chu Kang.... kuzin nya yang jahat atu pangil ia "kang kang...".. ha.a..a. Lapas atu sambong lagi "Kayangan".. atu lagi ya, half way bah.. then got to go. My pembantu rumah pulang meliat. But inda pandai cakap melayu... Lagi tia. That i got to see and sambong later. Eh.. sayang..seribu sayang....

I am now at work. Hyper ku ari ani minum cola... manyak sugar. Kambong parut ku oleh nya. I am happy today. Real happy. Bukan apa, just want to feel happy for once. Memang selalu happy tapi ani special sikit. Inda sempat makan tengah hari. So atu kali... ha.ha...

Oh i finally found my book. Kan crazy ku mencari my book atu. Rupanya dalam plastik and with the other books. My pembantu rumah kali simpan sana. Ku tanya tanya, inda ia tau nya. but i got to read till chapter 14 ja baru. You know lah what book i meant atu kan.. THE HISTORIAN... eh.. baca bah my blog.. ada tu.. So apa tah book yang you baca? Did you even got a book to read? Rugi rugi tu kalau inda. Our mind mesti jua makan dengan cerita cerita yang menarik. Baru ya...

Phua Chu Kang!!!!

Yes I got it at last!!!!! You know what ah.. i beli "the best of Phua chu Kang"... Nah.. what a day for me. I've been wanting to have this collection for lama sudah.. Huh... Yeah.....yeah.... I am going to spend my hours watching this one. Got many humor. And i like toh... Nanti lah sharing ya story nya. Want to know where i got it? Nah... nanti share that one too.... Got 7 VCDs in this one.

Phua Chu Kang...

Pain of a married man

Pst...

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.She goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee."What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 18?" he asks solemnly. "Yes I do" she replies.The husband pauses; the words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the garden?""Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.The husband continued.. "Do you remember when he showed the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?""I remember that too" she replied softly. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I would have been released today!"


I receive this in my mail....ha.a.h.a.. yeah good eh!

4th September 2007

PERJUMPAAN SUKARELAWAN BERSAMA HELPAGE KOREA -

PROJEK "KELUARGA DALAM MEMEDULI WARGA EMAS" @Riverview Hotel

Drama - QURAN BUROK

..you should have seen it. It was in Astro and it was really good too. Its about the people in one kampong. I talked about it to one of my good friend and told my friend that drama is just sharing people about keadaan us as masyarakat in this world and in the kampong life. Not only the dunia di bandar but also in kampong.

Amazing jua hidup di kampong pun ada scandals. Really in that drama, i tell you the imam's wife having an affair with her old fling which she bore his child but married to that imam. I would like to know what it meant by Quran Burok atu. And how did the wife have an affair atu? Well... banyak berua nya and people nampak and told the imam but unfortunately the imam thought it was just rumours. For more, you got to watch it.

That was simply a reality of life and kalau kan sadar... sadar tah dengan dunia sekarang ani. Adoi... scary nya. Not all like that, but it is not impossible.

The Kingdom - Jeniffer Garner, Jamie foxx

..bila i watched this movie, tersentoh hati ku..... As soon as the movie start, at the beginning you know families out in the field on sunday afternoon.... suddenly betembak and all you know and before you know it, it become a blood bath. And its ashamed to see how people in this world bebunoh for whatever reason. We know nyawa inda dapat di beli, so why killing other human makes them feel great about it.

A good movie. Go and see it for yourself. I learned everytime i watched a movie. From fiction to comedian to horror. I hate War movies but sometimes just have a glimsp to see and imagine. In The Kingdom, i like the part where Jennifer Garner wanted to touched the muslim corspe to get the hand print and suddenly one of the guard meneriak 'HARAM!! HARAM!!'.... Wah... rupanya... i didn't know non-muslim inda boleh sentoh a mayat muslim.

How if di luar negeri. Like a muslim kena autopsy? The doctor is non-muslim. Oh salah ka? Please if you read this one, help me to understand. Thank you in advance. And sambong lagi, the part yang cute when Jamie Foxx and "Faris" got a clue who too look for to "catch a big dog"....he.ee.e.e..e. So Jamie Foxx said "not big dog, its a big Fish"... Then Faris said "but dog is bigger than fish..".. Jamie balas balik.. inda ku merati tu eh phrase atu...inda ada in our ... like that lah cerita nya. When you get a chance to watch it, you will know what i mean. Cute.

The touchy one... where all of them balik rumah, then Faris got home to see his two daughters and one son that he love so much, a wife and family lah. With a very beautiful soft music, that when you hear it sabak dada. And the other one balik and while the father was sleeping, he mengampaikan his things on the table and tebangun the father. Very old and really menyedihkan. He beri salam to his father, angkat his father to the chair next to the bed he slept a while ago and did their prayer. Sembahyang...... Oh menitik air mata ku meliat betapa keadaan nya like that, a son and a father together mengerjakan solat.

Then Jamie Foxx betelipon with anaknya di Washington, meliat gambar anak nya with his note book. That was sweet too. And all you can see anak-anak yang betingalan because the father or the parents mati disebabkan all this. So i thought watak Jamie Foxx was really sweet bab yang ia memujuk anak his friend yang terbunuh dalam letupan not long after he spoke with him on the phone. He said "i know your father, he was a friend of mine" that means just to let the boy know that he is also a friend to him. Sweet.... I like that too....

Very menyentoh perasaan, because what i saw atu, in reality are happening every saat of the day di negara lain... and how we wish for peace in these world kan. Atu baru movie, but yang banar banar nya... menyedihkan kan. We di Brunei ani, Alhamdulillah aman damai. Orang lain di negara yang dalam keaadan kecoh, entah when would it end ya...

...sedih jua when you see young boy yang kena suroh to do the dirty job and all because kerana Allah. Well... its sad... that is not true. There got to be a reason jua why, but Syaitan always want to bring manusia di dunia ani ke neraka jahanam. That is his promise. So in that movie also banyak pengajaran. Rugi if you miss it. It all comes to how individual see it in their own prespective. I got mine and how about you?

something evil

Saturday 17.11.07 @1.30am

.. had a bad dream. Crazy jua what dream can do to you ah. Well, my loud screamed woke me up and i was out of breath. Ceritanya, i parked my car at this parking lot. Ada jua a few cars there but a bit 5 min walk to the building that i wanted to go. Immediately bila i park my car, i opened my door, and there this entah apa, a black shadow not that big jua grab me from my face. Its air i know, and its not human. Like evil thing wearing a long black hooded kain covered all over it. That remind me in that dream itself about what my girlfriend yang commit suicide atu told me yang she saw this black ugly shadows were waiting for her. And that she cried whole night not wanting to die, but it was a little too late for her to regret it kan....

So anyway, in my dream at that saat jua i was thinking about that, and i fight fiercely to freed myself from it. Gila and really crazy, like i can feel it macam banar-banar terjadi in reality sampai i was actually screaming and struggling supaya that thing lapas kan me. Uh... atu baru mimpi. I thought it be ok to fight it then to let that evil thing kill me softly in its arm. Scary berabiz. Seriously.. i woke up and went outside my room, paning ku because i was terkajut from my deep sleep. And that was only at 1.30am. Restless ku lagi.

And what a coincidence jua ah... i read my zodiac star about me.. yes... entah ah.. like almost the same. What i am going through this week is happeing sudah. So i let it be, and take all situation calmly. Bah banar tia jua.. ada jua lah yang inda tercontrol. Problem about me, if inda tercontrol i would just keep quiet. And sometimes it hurt to just keep quiet ani. But if i bising pun, it hurts other people nda tantu pasal. Just because its my problem kan....

That dream...... i just didn't want to close my eyes right after that. Takut ku. Its like it want me to die. And i wasn't ready for that. Beristifar ku eh until i fall asleep again.

Lost

I am a bit depressed today. I was ok earlier when i was a work. Its been 2 days i can't on my phone. I went to the mall today evening, and i asked them to repair it for me. Its my software in the phone. Got virus. Darn!!!

The phone is ok now, but i am not. I lost everything...everything data information in my phone. Such a big lost. I recorded everything in there. From health to everything. Its just gone like that. I joted down all...all.....alll....... but its gone!!!!!!

Speechless me dibuatnya..... restless me di buatnya... i just close my eyes tadi, just to release the tension i have for the moment. Hard to describe when you only have all the telephone numbers and etc of your friends in that phone and its gone!!!!! huh....huh... I am so frustrated.

First, my mini adress book. I have been looking for it for almost two weeks. Now, my phone got software problem that i can't switch it on. Oh well..... i guess i just have to see it this way. I guess this is another beginning for me. I just can't mourn about it kan. So this is it. A new day has come. So be it. I just have to accept it, that its gone.

Kawin

"bah mari tah kawin.." Hello...helloooooo..... Marriage, bukan untok di katakan like that. It has to come from your deepest sincereity of your heart. Marriage is not for fun. But you have fun in marrige. Being serious and willing to accept who she or he is...

For me, marriage is not my main concern or my priority at this moment. I'd love to be married one day and have kids lagi. But for this moment, its just not right in every aspects. So at this moment, I rather be concentrating in my work and hope for the best and I challenge my self more in days to come.

We'll see ya how far I go........ Just wait and see. So I believe and I will receive. Oh about my son... yes finito the exams already. Still haven't got the result yet. I wonder. I did asked him already how he was with the exam, and he said very easy. I wonder how easy ya... But he did say Science susah sikit mommy, tapi satu soalan saja.... ha.a.. so cute...

Today early morning tadi, went to Miri again jumpa dentist. And my dentist said i can remove my braces in January 2008. But i'm going to keep it for a few months. But i got to go through another pain job for my gigi... he.e..e.e. Got to do it. Want to grow old gracefully. Must work it out from now. Its better to do it then regret. Oh.. welll......

CD - Rentak914 Vol.2 {Artis-Artis Brunei}

Hi. You guys yang interested to buy CD from Local Artists, can get it di RTB during working hours, Office Pelangi. Please bring exact change. The cost is B$15.oo per CD. Okay. Anyway, just finished work HBD and off balik dulu. Will update more later. Many picutres to share lah.. he.e.e. sajok eh..

Busy kali ah.. :)

Gosh.. I've been busy. Busy with everything. I went to the mall yesterday, i saw this baju kurongs very nice eh... I like it. I am going to get it later this afternoon. I need it for work. So sopan. I actually got something to share here about that too. Amazing.. and i hope nada yang tersindir lah. Coz me ani direct sikit, eh banyak, coz inda mau jadi hypocrite. Benci aku!!

I'll share it within this few days. And i got some interesting story too and the topic "Jangan SeSekali". Its all about drugs. So still in progress doing the writing.. you would enjoy it. It be by episodes. And in my own writings... he.e.e.e. I am also looking forward.

I watch "American Gangster". Very interesting how you learn many things with whom you work with all your life. So meaning, dalam hidup ani whatever you do, doesn't matter keraja apa, you will eventually menimba ilmu pengetahuan and that sometime people lupa, which you can use untuk masa depan. Provided you be creatif then baru jadi. Go and see that movie although its about gangster, tapi if you see it in a positive side you will get what i mean.

To become somebody, its not an easy task. But you will make it. Just have a heart and strength to do it confident, surely you make it. Jangan sampai its too late then only regret. Eh anyway, i am wondering bah, how *** phone provider people boleh give information detail about someone to other? I wonder if i want to check it, cana ah. I thought it be confidential, tapi inda. Its hard kali to cari but how ah?

Someone ask me. And how can i find out if someone giving information about our email address and have access to our email and etc to other people? I also thought its confidential. I will find out but slowly. I spoke to a couple of people, it have to be someone working inside. The server giving information to someone, i don't know for what reason. Kawan punya pasal, then like that tia jadinya... So I thought CONFIDENTIAL... {ps. so becarefull people, your friend might be your friend too. And yang paling parah, your bestfriend or your closest friend was my friend in shcool.. never know.. never know.. chut..chut..}

How can we Bruenians kan maju, mun sesuatu supposed to "rahasia" pun di blurt it out just because kawan.. Be careful sapa yang buat catu. Setinggi mana tupai melompat, akan jatoh ke tanah jua. So a few of my friends pun masa ani doing our private investigation.. oh well... we just wait and see. Not only me rupanya, ada yang lain pun kena. Pleas understand the meaning of "CONFIDENTIAL" before you commit yourself to a crime you din't see.

1. Who do we go to?
2. Whom should we talk to?

Please advise. Thank you so much.

GLOW IN THE DARK

Went to the mall yesterday jalan-jalan. I found this T.Shirt with "Skulls" and took the picture. If you are interested in this design or a fan of "Skull", then you should have this in your collection. Its at the Mall Gadong. Up on the 2nd floor. The shop also got some interesting collections of other things and good one too. Check it out.

Ps. I did ask for the small size, they got one but "Skull" is not my favourite one though. Just to let you guys know saja.

Ajai was in Brunei

Ajai was in Brunei for Pelangi for few days. So we took him to Gerai Makan Kianggeh with the some of Pelangi Djs. We took him to few places in Brunei and yes.. we took him to kedai kominis... he..e.e.. He likes "CErita HaNtu". I told him, if he visit Jakarta again, there actually got a place there where you can see the "Hantu Puchong". My friend told me so when i was in Jakarta couple years back. I don't know if it still exists but i am sure kali still. Oh well...

Shukriz - Artist of the month November 2007

1st Pose

2nd Pose

Very interesting again. And i guess this is the second time i did the interview. The first one was quite a while already. And now.. well getting very interesting. Actually kami laugh inda beranti, coz Shukriz very funny lah you. Fun.... Ada the first part where he have to introduce himself, haa..a.a.... i laugh ani bah..... Cuba tah.... "terima kasih anu...pelangi.... and ....". Atu ya. I ask him... apa tu anu pelangi???



Anyway, great artist, fun and peramah. Actually ada lagi sorang there with us, but of course lah low profil.. "mengayam bini??", yeah.. but this is the only artist i've interviewed that speak pure melayu language. Seriously.. "apaendah"... i mean that is so original. I only hear that when i am with my family with orang-orang tua kitani lah....


Congrats!!!! to Shukriz again for the upcoming 2nd Album. With a great composer and a great singer, Welldone guys!! I have fun today.

Been busy all day today. I send my car to workshop and be ready tomorrow..Yahooooooo.... To be in an accident is a no..no... Its not that bad lah on my car, nothing yang parah, but sedih jua kan tu. Inda pernah pernah....

Anyway, i am very lonely lah. Got to catch up reading some chapter in my Dracul book... he.e..e

Guest Artist November - Shukriez

Yes cari parking ia masa ani. Ha... sempat lagi beaibun. Cali jua eh. Oh well... Later lagi update.

Gastrik

Gastrik attack kemarin malam. I woke up from my nap and i kan pengsan ani bah. Bepaloh inda beranti. Uh.. i don't like that feeling.

Accident

Got into an accident this morning. Crazy eh... At the round-about!!! Shock ku. Haven't been in an accident for quite a while. Darn it...

WIDE AWAKE

I can't sleep.... Help.... mermories rushing in and out of my head at this moment. I never giving up. I know we are going to find a way....

UH>>>> i wish i can sleep... OOOOO.... its not far away.... I m listening to this song "Heaven" by Warrant. I dont need to be the king of the world. As long as..... da..da....da..... no matter what your friends might says...... we'll find out our way... OUCH!!! i wrap my arms around you... so i can hear you breathe.. TELL ME HOW ROMANTIC ARE THOSE WORDS...

memories rushing back and it makes it really hard... I never giving up on you.. Gosh I wish a soul would sang that song for me... its not far away....

HA..AH.... I STILL COULDN'T SLEEP... WHAT WENT WRONG... I COULDN'T SLEEP.... HUHU... I NEED TO SLEEP... SHUT DOWN... HUHU... I REALLY NEED TO SHUT DOWN...

$3.99

Being Love and UnLove

"Sometimes it is unfair ya. You wanted to give it another chance. Thought of it seriously, but i guess you are just dreaming. You may want to give it one more try, but only you sincerely want to". Its ok. That just how life goes. It hurts and it kills. But its not the end of the world.

"You been played and fooled for one more time. And hope this time you wouldn't care. Wouldn't care of what would be the end of the chapter in your love life. Again, it hurt. But again too you deserve a better half. A better half who would respect you and appreciate your love. In relationship once a friend told me it's a togetherness that makes it special. A lot more i learnt from this friend of mine".

I guess my life been ups and downs. And now that i am single, i would like to start dating. But i give myself time. I need to clear all the baggage i have. I know no matter how hard i tried, i really need to clear the mess i have made in my life. I am just so ready to face it all. And i am ready to open my heart soon and to let true love be apart of my life again.

Its a waste when someone just want to have you as his trophy in his life. And not giving enough attention and love. I am so tired with too many reasons that you can't full fill the real love in your own life. Excuses are my major problem. I hate excuses. It's just being selfish to oneself. That is only for yourself.

I learn a lot from human behaviour not any university, but through life. Through my life. It gave me enough to know and to differentiate what is real and what is not. Who is ready and who is not. Its just a matter of time till you move on. All broken hearted people move on. But some would commit suicide to settle matters in their own hands.

I been thinking about my late father lately, i guess he's thinking of me too. May be he wanted to help me with my situation now, but he can't. Its too late, and i just felt him so near to me that i felt i can speak to him ani bah.

I really don't know who to talk to about making a big decision in my life. Of course its me. But i just like to bermanja and ask someone i could trust, just to hear what they have to say. Still at the end of the day, it would be my decision.

One more for me. I will look into this. Because i felt there just no point in waiting for promises when you know its just pulling your legs. Its ok. Its a test. But i know there would be no one like me for you. They may be better or otherwise. But i am looking into what i want to achieve in my life, and my dream.

I once heard from a very close person - love is love. you can fall in love anytime. Today you be in love. Tomorrow you will be out of love. What is LOve? - That open my eyes, and true. I need to find my own happiness then only i can see love. I don't want to forget how it felt like to be in love and to be love. All this while, i have to be frank, i touch a bit of love. A clear love that you could never imagine. But it was just a pinch of it. Not much. And i love being in love. It felt great when you just have the right partner. That would love you unconditionally. Tanpa syarat.

Gosh... just by sharing that bit, makes me smile.

Oh my friend just call me. Her boyfriend for 6years now, is outstation. But he didn't text her where he stayed. And she is really upset. I felt sorry for her. How can someone being so unfair? But what if she do the same to him? He is going away for few days. Pity ah.. Say they are boyfriend and girlfriend. Tapi the boyfriend being secretive all this while. But i tell you, she had enough she said. She wouldn't make a hassle on this, because she knows she have to move on. Oh well... She cried. I told her to cry to get it off her chest.

As for me, I just couldn't sleep. I will have my time too. I just don't like to talk about misery. They are people who are in worst scenario and situation than us. Me? Well, this is a light matter and it can be sort out. I need to be strong and to accept it. This is the truth and the fact of life. And its not really nice, but its a challenge.

News Flash!!!

Iril just saw kuda with long tongue. Rugi lo... i missed it! Darn.... Oh we were discussing about reincarnation.

What would be the worst and the best thing to be reincarnated as?

(ps.jawab sendiri)

Hear what they have to say.......

-I said. kalau jadi pokok, then kena potong to be paper. Atu kalau pokok yang baik. Yang inda baik, kena bakar ja. Oh well....

-Iril fren said. kalau jadi toilet bowl would be the worst.

-another fren said. kalau the best would be.... tut...tut... some sort of artificial thing you used... ahem..ahem.. sort of adult toys... ha.aaa.ha.a..a..a.a.

-oh... another fren said. kalau jadi kuda, so hunk... inda payah lay down to sleep and they are well endowed... hee..eh.e.e.. suka!! - i heard kuda can kill in many ways!!!

What would yours be?

I know you like to read that hah... put it as one of the cute one in this blog...

Salut!

Welldone to you for making the changes in your life today.

Sorry?

"i wish you hear me now. What my heart have to say. I hate the word 'sorry' for this moment. I really hate it. I wish you kow how i felt now. But you just don't get it. What is sorry if you don't meant it? What is it with you and the word 'sorry'? I am confused what is really sorry and i just don't know what it meant. It's so disfunctional. Just for this moment i really hate the situation. I HATE IT!!!!!!"... cried from a lonely heart.

Hey I'm tuning to Andrea Louise "heartsong'. I just can't seem to find words for the right things to say, but through the lyrics of songs, i felt like its there. Yes.. i guess i have to let my spirit out, and just be what i am for who i am. Oh well...

Tomorrow will be another day for me. And work in the early morning shift. Yeah... Yeah right... Will be working with Iril. So this coming week will be a week for me. Don't know what my plan for this week.

Oh, i went to Serasa beach this afternoon, well...well....well... what really happen? The sampah just everywhere bejurit ani bah. So dirty. And when i look for the tong sampah, ada but not a lot. And only sampai di Komplex sport serasa atu saja. After that, nada lagi. Very scarry the place if you see it. I will post the picture a bit later.

Very memalukan eh, i told my friends all over the world, Brunei have a beautiful beach. So when i ke sana SERASA saja, well...well... somebody got to do something about that. Where is our BEAUTIFUL BEACH?

Apa Cerita..Apa nak Jadi?

Work masa ani kul 12am to 3am. A long chat with one of my close friend jua. He asked me about scandals. Wow... weren't that in one of my topic last time. Well, he told me about a chatter he chat with and how daring this person is. Ia tanya me, why is it masa ani orang berani-berani?

I don't quite understand mula-mula atu what he meant. Then he mentioned about laki-laki and bini-bini beskandal. Even my foreigner friends says bah.. 70% married couple main luar. Please jangan marah ah. This is dari mata orang jua. But what i see yes jua. This is something serious that we have to look what actually the problem and try to find a solution to solve this matter.

Then bercerita tah ia, but didn't mention the name of that girl lah. He is married jua, i know his wife and the family. So he cerita that he used to chat with the chatters jua, he is very peramah but not to that extend lah. So this chatter ani kan bejumpa ia, then he inda mau. Just sekadar kawan chatter its ok lah. Tapi some orang kan mengambil kesempatan.

So anyway, this girl send gambarnya bertudung, then sudah inda kena layan, she send her naked picture to him. Bogel.. Terkajut ia. Then he found out ada anak 5 orang dah this girl. Kata single, tapi kan ajak my friend jalan malam.

Wow.. berani tu eh. I asked him, are you sure? Au nya. So he yet to look for the email atu and to send to me the picture if i know her. Well... she work in one of the gov't office. How could this be? Kata my friend, kalau kan bebogel atu layan eh.. tapi oleh kerana orang kitani, membari malu eh. Pakai tudong nya, tapi beborgel catu... mana maruah nya tu?

Kami chat lah. Maklum we all ada anak kan, so we jaga jua lah. Yang penting we kena tell our children what yang baik and what yang buruk. Especially anak perempuan.

Not only that, banyak lagi lah. So scarry ya. Really seriously banyak story about laki orang with bini orang, bini orang with laki orang, and orang bujang with laki orang, or orang bujang with bini orang. What happen? What went wrong?

Kata my friend, what is melayan nafsu for just a few minutes like that untok dosa yang besar? I really don't know how to answer that. I told him nafsu. But again entah ah. It's kemahuan sesorang atu. Kalau ia value him or herself, and masih ada respect, then you still be ok....isk...isk...isk....

Whatever you do sebenarnya, you mesti ada motif kan. Kenapa you chat? What make you want to chat? And banyak lagi kan. So, kalau your motif lain, then lain lah. Tapi not all yang chat like that. So brush up lah, clean up lah, i like masa dulu-dulu eh. Nada cerita yang menakutkan ani. Like Barat dah meracuni, so kitani jangan kalah and mati with that. Kita mesti kuat kan and sheild ourselves lah. Bukan senang-senang like that. Sampai berbogel untuk memikat orang.

What ever you buat, people always gonna think you buat untuk semua orang kan. Oh well, up to you. Its your body i know, but ya lah saja sama sama mengingati saja agar tidak terjerumus dalam situasi yang hanya untuk semantara saja syok...

@Malibu Beach, California

Last Wednesday - Dj Undangan - Izwan or 'Q'

Hey 'Q'!!

Now he gives the FUNNY FACE..

Oh Well, I guess that be the funniest face he can offer...

Pst... he goes to ITB and in Business studies. Well done!! He loves what he is doing now, and he told me that he love "Seni". He loves belakon too, and whatever with 'Seni". He loves music, and that's why he join in for the Dj Undangan. He got the voice, but well, comment from pendengar at that time told him to be cool saja. He sounds nervous. Tell me about it guys, yes you will recognize if that person is happy, nervous, mad, or whatever. It happened to all us Djs... ha.a.a. but well, that's life. As long as you jangan begadoh on-air dah. Settle. Well done again 'Q' and all the best for you. "If you have that dream, live that dream and one day it will come true", so apa lagi, hold on to it with brush up a bit, you can do it.

'a minute ago'

Just a minute ago some thought ran in my mind, i update my blog almost everyday about my life. Just a bit that recorded for my own kepuasan. But a minute i was just thinking if wouldn't be able to write in, not a chapter in my life, i presume i be dead.

So weird stuff in my head. But then i just wonder, but it be only for talk "a tale". But when i pikir about that, during that time, condition, i wanted to leave a note, like to take a picture of my last day on this earth and post it here. That be the end of chapter "aboutzura".

Well, just a minute ago. That was the story. But now, i wondered who would be the one to publish it for me here on my blog? Oh well.... just a thought saja tu. Not anything serious. But that 'minute ago' ran through my mind.

I was at "Fun Bread" in Gadong for my dinner. It was quiet. I guess that 'a minute ago' pass through me. Well never want to be alone eh. Scarry, like your mind is talking to you. And you start to wonder... oh well....

Babah

I need you

I want to ask you

about something

You gave me but a little only

I wish i can hear you

I felt you by my side

Looking back at times

You..

Just like a candle

Used to be light

Now its dark

Whom should i seek

For love from a father

Please..

Come to my dream

Tell me

What i want to know

Visit me in my dream

I long to sit and chat

with you...

My tears running

through this face

resemblence of your face

Wanting to know

Where are you Babah

I miss your smile

I miss your laughter

I miss you so much

It really hurts Babah

Knowing you're never

coming back

I know we will

meet again soon..

Arguments & Misunderstanding

Why? What cause it? Blurr ku eh. In a day ani inda kan have a normal day, like becakap biasa, beaibun, why is it like no chemistry lagi? That's what one of my girlfriend adu to me. I'm trying to imagine. When i hear her mengadu to me, terasa ku, tersentoh ku dengan perasaan nya yang ikhlas to this one guy ani. Inda ia merati lagi macam mana to cope with this situation ani nya.

I ask her, kenapa ia masih sama this guy, menitik air mata nya. She is janda jua like me. And she got anak jua like me. Sayang ia kan this guy so much knowing this guy ani mempermainkan kedia. Sebab keluarga that guy inda boleh terima ia nya, and that guy pun malu kali kan mengenali my fren ani, sebab ia janda. Tapi ada quality kali ah. Bukan ia mau kan jadi janda, sudah nasib nya. Sudah nasib me jua. So that's why i paham perasaan nya. Nada bini-bini di dunia ani yang plan kan mendirikan rumahtangga kan becerai and minta title janda.

So i told her bersabar saja. Berdoa tah ganya and berusaha saja untuk dirinya sendiri. Ku beri ia contoh, i told her that aku pun berusaha for myself and untuk anak ku. From there, at least ia cool off sikit. I tell you, you can never imagine what people can do to themselves kalau nada tempat mengadu. It hurts but its also a test. For all this tests ani kan, if you can make it, you'll live a better life in the future insyallah. Dengan Keberkatan dan Rahmat dari Allah jua.

I have a friend jua. Bukan islam pulang. She pun miserable life nya. Bekas laki nya really kaya, tapi hidup nya inda senang. Di pukul selalu, and abuse lah. Akhirnya bercerai. Lapas atu internet dating. Then she cerita at least 300++ bah dengan nya dating. All di laluinya, and then at the end, terjumpa dengan lelaki ani, muda dari ia, very rich and he married her. Imagine tia apa yang dilaluinya, lelaki atu sayang kan ia for who she is, appreciate her lagi, and proud of her yang ia melalui all that dengan tabah to capai what she want. I tell you, cincin di jari nya bah, my gosh.. a real wedding ring. And husbandnya yang baru ani, entah ah.. sayangkan kedia ani. Atu lah antaranya, kena coba dengan dugaaan, then see how far. At the end, she derserve the best kan.

Sama jua dengan exams kan, if you sit and make it through, you lulus then if you are good, ada offer scholarship lagi. That's it. The same in life. But life is not on paper, it's every day yang you lalui. So stay there, and jangan putus asa. May be apa yang my girlfriend do atu, i probably can't do it. Tapi entah ah, i have a different way. But i guess determination (penuh keazaman) will bring you there, to where you want to be.

Argument and misunderstanding - kenapa kan tu? Apa pun tak kena. What do you think, apa yang tak kena atu kan? I also inda paham. But entah ah... What went wrong. My girlfriend ani hoping to settle down, tapi i think she got the wrong guy kali. She need to start dating again, but i know its not going to be easy. Before she starts anything new, i think better settle the garbage in her life, and leave the baggage behind. That will probably solve one problem. The rest, look forward for a good future.

Cerita Dalam Mimpi

I woke up early this morning. In fact i was actually waited for my alarm clock to ring. I panik, and went outside to get my watch. It was few more minutes before i was set to hear it rang. How's that. I went back to sleep just for 10 mins and i have a bad dream. That quick hah....

Dream:

Pst. Dalam mimpi, i went to visit my friend, a very close friend, but in that dream she was with her sisters and everyone have a different hobby. Lain-lain collectionnya dorang atu. I was with another friend in that dream visiting my friend atu. And my close friend ani show me biji-biji buah papaya. Then she tanya me, if i want? I said ok, kalau ia mau bebuah. So she gave to me the biji-biji papaya and i kept it. Sekali i told my friend we wanted to visit our other friend, then she told me she passed away dah. I was tekejut lah. So she said sampat me still see the body in one place she mention. Suddenly like magic, i was standing there dalam bilik mayat and i was with my friend. I took a picture rah ibu jari kakinya ada that piece of paper. So lapas atu, kan bejalan keluar and suddenly the hand of the mayat atu grab my right hand and bangun. She wanted to tell me something but i can't hear because i wanted to open my eyes... But in that dream i ran and suddenly i dalam my living room on the first floor of my house and i tried to switch on the light, but all the lights suddenly inda mau on.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Huh... that was the dream.... When i tebangun, i was nervous lah to open the door and to switch on the light. Takut ku ada benda atu di luar. Gosh!!!!