MY LIFE TODAY..

frustration eh today.. but i let it out by crying it out.. even talking makes me sabak.. sabak thinking and thinking.. Oh.. i neeeeeeeed that unconditional love.. ha.ha... oh its killing me. Mind you i am writing sambil dengar Mariah Carey song and i petik a bit from the lyric.. na na na na.. i stay inlove with you. It cuts so deep.. we still need each other when we stumble and fall.. oh.. we both know... CAN I ASK ONE MOMENT ALONE.. haha... huhu.. baby i stay inlove with you.. oh well each time you let me down.. baby baby.. i keep on hanging.. ohOOOOOOOOOOO

i started early eh.. woke up early. at 7.30am today out and about. Start my morning cruising with my dream with me. Just can't sleep and move on to Danau then Sg.Liang then Seria and KB. Wah.. drove back to bandar after that. I had a bar of chocolate when i bought gas for the car. Then had a bottle of water. And an apple for lunch. Drove half way, stop on the highway in lumut kali and park my car, set my alarm and slept for 10 min listening to cd, put down the screen a bit, takut karang inda benapas eh.. then sleep.. peaceful.

And today jua i found a new place i never been. Beautifule eeee.... so beatiful.. anyway, the journey was a bit frustrated, but for my dream.. it become a challange..... failure is a step to become successful. frustRation is a step to successful. If you don't feel all that, well... how to grow from you now to become successful....

ehNOW The song.. Malique.. Kau Yang Punya.. hhuhu.. jangan kau bimbang sayang.. la la la la LOL!!! CANTIK CANTIK.. Jangan kau bimbang sayang, dimana ku berada, ku tetap kau yang punya.. Me if let go of frustration, fight it with being happy.. just happy... get it??

so got home.. went to pick up my son. beli fish rumahan laki tiga ekor and goreng. Wao..nice very rangup and masak tumis gulayan. Em.. today menu rice, ikan goreng, sambal belacan and tumis bayam. My son and myself like it simple. But only for the time being saja. I love JAWA food jua. So hoping that one day i have a cheft yang dapat prepare for me JAWA food. Nice.... em. love my mother's MEAT LOAF... she buat the best with the gravy too... Miss my mama.. she's of to dallas. I wish i could join. Its my brother 21st birthday.. i hate that i could not be there to celebrate with him. and that hurts. and i will not compromise anymore to not be able to go... I know it takes time, but i am enjoying every minute of it. Step by step.... that's life.

Life goes on.. so continue lagi wif my story for today. I buat all the appointments i can. Text here and there and yes... sometimes laugh and cry. Gosh.. anyway, good things happen when do good things kan... mengantok otak ulehnya.. tebayang kalau dapat tidor di bilik.. with aircon lagi, under my duvet lagi... wah.. kan menangis bah. but i know for a short while saja nie... sapa kata its my hobby, but for my dream.. lantak tia. i go for it!!! kalah tu kenganlihan atu... you know why??? because my DREAM is BIGGER than that... its easy said and done.. coba ia...

at the end of the day, i am happy that i cried it out. Cried it out because i am satissfy with today. Em.... i learn from one of my chinese fren, he converted to Islam, and he shared his experience to me how he felt about things before he convert. And what makes him convert... well i think he planto write about it, and i just let him tell you the rest of his story. Anyway, Allah already gives setiap orang jalan hidup nya. All when you think its a coincidence is not. Its real. And it happens. Its not coincidence. Its real. And if you notis kan, its tanda. Like opportunities comes in different ways. You doa all the time minta kekayan harta, hati and etc, and yes your doa termakbul. But you don't see it. But its there just knocking and if you let it out of your sight, melepas. It comes in different ways... So yes.. about that coincidence atu, up to you untuk menilai what you see and go through in life. Scarry kan, but that's the fact of life. No fact of life not scarry, all is. But then again, all is about you.

Again coming back to my fren yang convert atu, my fren said, if ia convert di brunei, probably got distraction from family. I mean thats so true. If you in one of the business opportunity pun like that. But dengan kekuatan hati and mental nya, he convert in one of the country out there, and come back baru ia cerita. TErus of course what happen next kan.. anyway, i admired that. With that kekuatan, memberikan me inspiration toward achieving my dream. You see again, its all about how you look at things. Amazing stories i heard for this week. A GREAT weekend indeed. Shock but it happens.

Satu lagi, from Friday to Sunday.. haha... lots of things happen. I can't believe i was di tengah laut ani bah behujan-hujan.. imagine. But i like it. Its something different. And if you want to be different, you gotta do something different. I can't believe i am that crazy to do such things. Haha.... it rained hard, and i said i am going. I am going. That night, something gotta change. I was listening to Celine Dion - I DROVE ALL NIGHT make me more courage to move on that night and to step out and about. Though hujan, though tire, though meninggalkan my son for that moment, though everything that happen that day onwards, something gotta change. And it is changing for a reasons. To be diamond is hard but it going to be beautiful. The process probably about a million year. haha.. duno ah. But the longer it is the better. GOOD LIFE IS THE ENEMY OF THE GREAT LIFE... just enjoy and be confused with I WILL BE DIAMOND!!

I WILL BE DIAMOND!!

I WILL BE DIAMOND!!

I WILL BE DIAMOND!!

I WILL BE DIAMOND!!

I WILL BE DIAMOND!!

I WILL BE DIAMOND!!

I WILL BE DIAMOND!!

I WILL BE DIAMOND!!